What no one will remember
(Part xL1)
Seeking the mystic’s light. June27, 2013.
Seeking the mystic’s light. June27, 2013.
I wear thirteen-year-old T-shirts
but I spray them with the most expensive colognes around
I don’t buy them, only use the testers
I’m socially awkward so I might come close
to touch your hair without asking for your permission
you’d probably punch me
but I’ll say that I’m weird and sorry
I’ve never punched anybody in my life, please don’t hurt me
I’m not afraid to write a poem
when something beautiful touches me inside
I see my drunkenness as a preface to wisdom
when I drink a poem I become a mystic
when I peruse your vodka I become a breathing metaphor
I use my sadness as a dictionary
to decipher the language of modern civilization
I do not wish to bore you with my autobiography
when you are done, burn up this poem and use the flame
to warm up your soul.
I drag
the whole compass
with its north and whereabouts
to the lyrical center called
I
I cannot praise beauty
only the mysterious
I summon the elements
of my destitute body
I speak to this world only
– my own
who else stands here
– a dead poet or a mystic perhaps –
I am the masturbation of my own language
these are no longer words
they become
the flesh of
this Being.
The sky: my desperate dispersion
an expansion creeping slowly in
the autumn fields of my lost war
manifest the gesture that condemns me
to seek lavishly the sighs of unnamed
saints and mystics
heavy with the saddle of onrushing years
seeping the dripping paint
like the dance of mechanical yesterdays
the grave of my birth and burying
thus a multitude of poems – astray
halfway
detached from the events of time
isolated in the nirvana of untouched perception
sky, fragment of other lives
or why November and dying
that last sullen word behind chaos
a return
a miniature spot
whose own language
cannot participate in its description
thus the sky and the lesser me
thus a slow sleep in an immense unuttered world.
I left the office shy of two o’clock
gaining inside a shudder that could reach
just beyond the boundary of solitude.
I raised this old neck of mine
the sky was me.
Belonging to dreams we no longer dare to glimpse
futures too powerful too bear
fears that out of plain habit
covered me like husks of wisdom.
So eternally blue – with the intensity of an S
similar to the smell of dawn, depths of now
bright as selflessness
blue as sky.
A kind of rejoicing, a mystic’s forgotten book
and the glory of erased words!
TO return, live a thousand sleeps
one more lonely death
varying degrees of godless hours
those dissipated moments
hungry of freedom, so easily obscured.
Bury me in lands of mute plants.
Blind pasts, unimportant futures.
The sky was me, I turned
I had gone away… hands overflowing possibility.
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