banging
my head
against
rock hard
reality
my bottles
of beer are
empty
and
my mind
full of
quack
unattainable
unreachable
undefinable
unutterable
unknowable
unrealistic
Buddhahood
the rain droplets
on the window pane
are particularly
quiet
alas.
the shape of your neck
wrestling with my focus
I could have smiled
and twirled a spoon
in my coffee
to taste the dimensions
of your spiraling
lips
I’ve wondered
how your body
would resist
being against a window
freezing like dew
in the dawn
all that we study
to forget
the longitude
of an instant
laughter
– yours –
dripping
from above
and there is no
sky here
let’s repose
and dissolve
like heat
ripples
from a distance
over
an unfamiliar
path.
what
was
it
this
fable
of deformities
life
when all
thought
is of the size
of a grain
of rice
and you shave
to feel the snow
on your cheeks
clueless
of how you
indefatigably
will love
the next
occurrence
in this
fable
of ideal
encounters
with something
real.
NIHILISTIC Poetry
I changed sides
of the road
walking
perhaps
to some ultimate
destination
I was wrong
it was only
another sidewalk
I had been
doing nothing
staring at letters
in books
without
knowing their meaning
the coffee got cold
I go for walks
when I get tired
of sitting.
I’d like to say
this is all true
but I only have
noise and vague memory
I have no idea
what I did
today.
NIHILISTIC Poetry
twilight is glistering
over these rooftops –
always coming around
in the evening hours
bare in the natural sky
under a shadow
or behind a dream
the underside of silence
a fetus
in that momentary womb
phantasmagorias of blue
naked over the kingdom
of artifact
how is twilight
that reeks of eternity
a bird’s medium
and our casual joys
within walls.
have you seen
pee
splash wide
into a cascade
on the urinal wall
running freely
down the slope
of its white surface
wildly awake
before entering
the oblivious hole,
how I envision
all my decisions
thrusting forward
like a jet of pee
smashing against
the white mural of life,
how they would collapse
and stain the blank episode
of time
and inevitably surrender
like a trickle
that is swallowed
by a whirlpool of death…
There
by the brook of your stare
I meet the sound
of your drowning,
‘alas’ so light and lasting
a word surfacing like sighs from your eyes
I make room and stand back
so you run into the invisible
curl of a mistake,
my child you’ve begotten
sadness and its truth
is more distance than those streaming
glares that leap from walls to illusions –
there
I recognize our mutual meaning
nowhere in this fog
the outline of solution
nor the source of our misery.
buried
in red
illusion
in the anthropomorphism
of ginger youth
in the great convulsion of beauty
affliction mirror fountain and edge
in dense mist of light
waiting for events
to dissolve
in
truest
red illusion
a hum
emerging
like hot laughter
from the frozen
fields of ego
I imagine a day
when young rose vowels
uttered from my mouth
brimming with the perfume of laughter
that joyous I’d be
still full of falsehood
but arms around strange folk
like they’d be the secret
truth of the age, we’d sing
and sit like tired twigs
leaning on the inside of a whirlpool whose
destination does not amount to too much
but neither does the apprehension of it
so that day comes
my pen on the edge of the table
my pipe curling arrows of smoke
but truly my eyes fixed on
clouds with no purpose
what was that?
the color of the wind
or the order of the lips,
my hand in contortion
touching the intangible surface
of fiction;
I left the building
out
there
the night pinching the street
like a hungry jaw
the naked trees
as real as
the limbs of insects,
I wanted to remain
prostrated
on the sidewalk
like the dim casting glare
of the streetlamp,
nameless
in that minute
with all the beauty
of fact –
no longer possibility
but plain actuality,
a happy yellow leaf
in its autumnal decay
enduring its
tiny epoch
of death.
Beyond Language 
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