I could
have loved
the fire
and hummingbird
little winters
stacked and trembling
my hand
wild and rodent
treading the
earth
but looks like
young time
nothing is nothing
my prayer being
when death comes:
may this consciousness
be that of a stone
stripped of its rock
There are days
man & you see
what flood of joy
a street black drenched
2 o clock moonlessness
the hairs as kind of antennae
on the blue poet’s flesh
kiosk shines in van gogh yellow
automatic sliding doors
press in pin code, say thanks
a bottle of wine in hand
slow steps on way back
this skin feels like walls of pure sensation
the eternal crack of rain
key in keyhole
you’re home
twirling in air of cogs & columns
dipping stale bread in the wine
oh this slow chamber of death
where shadows
rest of their enigmas
where, above all, a man
finds his peace.
I fear the same stone of light that you fear. I am the bone and you are the sky. We are earth hidden within the mines of space. Darkness – like a baby – hangs from our necks. If there were knowledge there’d be no action. Pure restless surrender. I fear the pause, the allotted time. It sinks, truthfully. I know we cherish the denial of our times. Like young nihilists. I dug for truth, through turd and stink. The gold of meaning, the diamond of certainty. Years have not been wasted – we see our excavations. Emptiness. Holes. Awakening. There is nothing. We’ve dug holes, nothing more; philosophical pits. The cradles of our deaths. They are beautiful, waiting, obvious. The discovery of nothing: the day everything changed. What do you seek? What value? What supreme encounter? Now, it’s too late. Death is not speculation but the premise. All postulates inevitably incomplete. I fear that same conclusion. But it is here. Like a spark, like lightning. Like love and ephemeral.
Nothing.
How old
must I become
to return to the selfless
heaviness of the rock
has not the wind
that levels the tiny
sands of time
swept over
the last corner
of my life
must I continue
to stare
at the leaves
that shiver
purposelessly
on the sunlit tree
must I continue
to desist action
below the shadow
of a pigeon
that springs to flight
must the city
become soft
as the pages
of history
that I keep on
forgetting
how old must this
memory become
to fall silent at last
as the man behind
the mirror
how old
it may be . . .
that nothing can be understood
that trees make waves of transparent flying ointment
birds fluttering wings in atomic curls of laughter
a pebble the size of pain sinking in the stomach
of minds with no hands sculpting the invisible thought
a hole in the ground where we plant a bone
so it blooms like a flower of striped fire
confusing the stars for our parents
and pale dry flakes of sin as our former selves
the hand making shadows on the empty wall of time
where nothing can be changed and we sit
on sidewalks oozing the ancient bubbles of speech
mirroring the breath of drying tobacco fields
and swimming where the saliva twirls in gold desire
because we did not control the first kiss
that enamored us with fatal bliss of birth
that ends in destined death
it may be . . .
that nothing can be understood
happy thirty
happy death
happy where are we
I have traveled
inside a cave
crushed inside skin
dried patches of skin
hands callous
the incurable stink of walking
over distance
dark distances
I have traveled
in dangerous caverns
falling, screaming
repeating
savagely
for thirty years
scavenging
closing in on those
scarce drips of essence
those impossible puddles of truth
inside a cave
where I begin to feel like shadow
dark layer upon dark layer
going nowhere
I already hear them singing:
happy happy thirty
happy birthday
joyous shadow
lost lost lost in time
Digesting
the poison rule of desire
I have to choose my eyes
and shut them hard
to taste the illusion,
aloft in the descent of darkness
the static of essence
emerges, black liquid coal
in these orbs born
to drown in light.
The decrepit couple
man and woman
the last steps of life,
Chisinau their home
and root.
Rooted in the artic
clear hour of pain,
red indelible struggle;
to choose to close the eyes
and dissolve,
to choose shadow
me or them,
in our walk towards
the great structure
of death.
To depart from equilibrium
incomprehensible
roads to destinations blackened
ideas of Hell, saints, criminals
suffering, redemption, death, exits,
they are daily bread for the hungry wreck;
is this still a world
I cannot speak of it
the internal voice is secret or alien
this flesh of unknown vapor
and desire guided by
intangible forces;
the cloud of life
is now dark and sorrowful,
the guilt of a single droplet
drowns entirely this mad domain,
in the soul the criminality of existing
is being laundered –
the quake !
unjust formulations of goodness
this rag of mind
dragged by hands fortuitous!
are these numbers and hours death
is it failure or a form of dream
my limbs are dying
the cascade of energy
expiring in the toilsome rage!
I desist the womb
and the world is a womb!
suffering of many lights
ache of myriad eyes
roped by nameless maledictions
there must be a drop
a fall
the divine grace and grave
of silence
but instead of divinity
suffusing this space eternal
pray for an open gross void
and salvation
the courage
to plunge into its
horror –
a soundless exit.
The unintelligibility of the hand
arbitrary and soft
the fingers of the lover
enough heat from the sun
a momentary window on my skin
an animal cry
born in every vein –
I’m trembling against the vastness
I’m already in the garden
wondering how these flowers
connect me to the beginning of life
I see your naked body
on the disquieted branch
I am splinter
striking the sky –
have you felt the insect
climbing simultaneously
our arms and forests…
the universe peacefully
on your breasts;
have we knitted our mysteries
with yellow fire
will we love in silence
observing the wild dance
of the worlds –
somewhere with closed eyes
our origin
a purpose incomprehensible
within
all formations and eruptions
your lips are asleep
an epoch
with the rain as memory
we die as children.
the sensation of knowing
has faded
the congealing cement
our last coverture
ugly, reeking
and already alone
with a bullet of important birth
have the notes in the eyes
a melody of face and terror
the philosophers
have turned to the poetic
in depiction
the overt sorrow
of crocodile skins
this task of surveying
bland vast infinite
words not even mountains
to rest the moon
on their slopes
death and terror
sustained by repetitious
creation, a blind fountain
speaking for the absence
I
supplant
meaning
to extinguish
consolation
representation having failed
we rely on the cruel instant
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Beyond Language 
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